Moving Your Parents to Independent Living
This Choice Isn't Easy but Often Needs to Occur
Sep 5, 2008
It isn't easy making the choice to have your parents move from their home. In the best of circumstances this can be done collaboratively between your parents, you and your siblings. It's common for one adult child to take the lead or do most of the work. Typically this has been a long standing pattern. So, if you expect things to be different with this process, you'll become frustrated. There is enough to handle without additional emotional energy going toward resentment. When you've made the decision together to move your parents there are several things to consider.
What is the Difference Between Independent and Assisted Living?
There is a surprising difference between Independent and Assisted Living.
Assisted living is one level above a nursing home. Seniors in assisted living are usually medically fragile, require medical care and care in bathing and hygiene. Some seniors are mentally sharp, but physically impaired, others are both mentally and physically impaired.
Independent Living is a community of seniors who are mentally and physically capable of caring for their basic needs. Their level of functioning is higher. Their involvement in life is intact. The meals are prepared for them 3 times a day. There are social functions at the Living Center and in the community. A Center van takes seniors to activities such as plays, musems, etc. Each senior has a small apartment furnished with their own furnishings. Cleaning service and linen and towel cleaning is done weekly by the Center. The seniors do their own laundry in community laundry rooms, get themseleves showered and dressed, go to meals and join in the commmuity living.
When Do You Make the Move to Independent Living?
Most seniors are quite opposed to moving from their home. That is completely understandable. It means that they are losing some independence, they are leaving long held memories and change is often difficult. Here are some logical, sound things to consider with your parent.
- You have worked with care givers in the home, and it is no longer enough support.
- Your parent is not eating well.
- Your parent is lonely and visits from family and caregivers is insufficient.
- Your parent's speech and thinking is diminishing due to lack of social contact.
- Your parent's hygeine is decreasing.
- Your parent is sleeping most of the day, not dressing or bathing for the day.
- Your parent is still mentally sharp and can engage in the decision making process with you.
Making the Move Easier
Once you choose a place with your parent then there's the "Big Day" of the move. This can be a bit tense or difficult. So, here are a few things to help prepare for the day.
- Bring your parent or meet them at the center 2-3 times prior to moving in and join the residents for meals. This eases your parent's mind about fitting in socially.
- Hire a professional senior moving company. This will be money well spent. Companies like, A Senior Affair, are a franchised and owned by people who love seniors and who have been specially trained to work with seniors. This company will gather the floor plan and square feet of your parent's new apartment. Then they will go to your parents' home and talk through what to bring to make the apartment their home. They'll include clothing, artwork, bathroom needs, furniture, nick knacks, everything! They'll tag the items that are chosen. It's usually best if the family stays away that day
- On moving day make arrangements for someone to take your parent out or to their home all day. This keeps them busy and not as sad at seeing their things packed up.
- The moving company will come in and work their magic. The senior moving companies are part movers, part decorators, part counselors. They will set the entire apartment up for you. Often they will ask if you can work with them for a few hours to hang pictures, make sure the cable TV works and that everything is in order.
- The Big Reveal ~ When your parent walks into their new apartment, they are often emotional and relieved to see it looks very homey. It's because it's all their stuff...their furniture, pictures and memories.
- Plan to have that first meal with your parent in the new place.
Odds & Ends & Seperating
Because this is an intensive process, your parent usually has experienced more time and attention from the family in 2-3 weeks then they've had in a few months. Many parents will want your attention much more even after the process. It's important to help guide your parent to join in their own social activities that are only steps away from their apartment. Set up some good guidelines and encourage them to join in the new activities and opportunities.
The Results
You've just done a wonderful thing with and for your parents. You'll find them becoming more independent, their speech and thinking improving, their interests reappearing. You'll see increase physical capabilities too. When you visit, they'll have something interesting to talk about rather than illness or "poor me" stories. While the process can be difficult the outcome is life enhancing!
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